My political satire published in Indiacause blog site of ivarta.com

Rahul Gandhi Ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai

Arindam Bandyopadhyay

 

Mommy! Yeh kya hai? How did I become the head of the Congress coordination committee for 2014 Lok Sabha polls? Nobody asked me for my consent. Yeh to jabardasti hai.

Please, don’t tell me that this is about my future and the future of the country. Bhar me jaye……why can’t the country leave me alone?

Look, I did not mind becoming an MP since I know that I am a Mediocre Person. But I have resisted all temptations to be part of the government or be a minister, because then you are responsible and liable to be blamed for all the department’s faults. I do not want to give anybody the opportunity to humiliate me. I am smart enough to learn it from you! Akhir beta kiska hun?

I am okay with being the General Secretary of Congress – I can behave like a general without even knowing the job of a secretary. And I do not mind becoming the High Command in future. Ask my friends – they will tell you I like to be ‘high’ and can command right and left as long as I do not have to carry them out.

But why does the party keep on demanding more? How many posts can I hold? Can’t we have other leaders from this pre-historic party who can share some responsibilities? I know you do not like that idea because of the risk of other leaders overshadowing the family. But you have to understand that I cannot pretend anymore that I enjoy politics.

Is politics ke liye mujhe kya kya nahin karna para!

First they call me an ‘icon’. In this age, while ipod, iphone and ipad are pioneers in their respective field, my detractors can easily distort icon from the leader of congress to the head of the conmen – yeh mujhe bilkul pasand nahi hai.

Next, I have to fake myself as a youth leader when I am not a youth anymore. Is umar mein to Vivekananda aur Jesus Christ duniya chorke chale gaye theh.

I had to eat with Dalits and sleep in their house. I had to travel second class with people that Shashi bhaiya disapproved as cattles. I have to spend half my time holding meeting at places where I would have never gone otherwise. Moreover I have to do all of these with a smiling face.

Yeh bhi koyi zindagi hai! Forget about girlfriends, I do not even have time to visit London or Boston anymore, let alone go to mama-bari in Italy.

I know you will remind me that I am important! It is my destiny to become PM. Even our silent PM agrees with that, whenever he is allowed to speak. You will also tell me that my opinions count. I try not to behave or talk like a future PM. (Fortunately, I am blessed because it comes natural to me). But still the scribes keep on insisting? How am I supposed to know that nobody can understand that there is no difference between Kargil war with Pakistan and FDI war with Walmart?

Then look at the hullabaloo they created after I said that ‘Hindu groups could pose a bigger threat to the country than activities of groups like Lashkar-e-Tayiba’. What I meant was, since Hindus are the majority, we should make sure that they remain oppressed enough, so that there is never a possibility of Hindu terror. Now, is it my fault if ignorant people cannot follow my point? Why do they ask for my views then?

That’s the reason why I also avoid Parliament sessions. It is so boring, anyway. All they discuss are scams – CWG, 2G, CoalG(ate). And then they ask me ‘what is your opinion Rahul-ji’? Baap re, mujhe to chakkar aata hai.

Actually I am convinced that there is a deep conspiracy going on. First our party and its allies were being connected to all sorts of scams. Then they attacked our family directly. Robert bhaiya ko to kareeb band baja diya tha…thank God he could fence away, at least for now. All these Annas and Arvinds are their stooges. I know all of it. I am not a bachcha anymore and neither am I kachcha in politics, though  sometimes my oppositions tend to believe that.

And now Subbu uncle, who fondly calls me a buddhu, is accusing even you and me of fraud. This must be part of an international scheme. Otherwise why would, all of a sudden, even the foreign media start taunting us. How dare they refer to me as the Rahul problem? Can anyone otherwise explain why they suddenly decided to declare our famous ‘son of sardarPM as an underachiever?

I know who is behind all of these. It is the man from the west – i.e. the western state of India. All those vibrations from the vibrant programs, where they showcase their state, are shaking our roots here. No wonder they have him as their cover boy. And no wonder suddenly even our friends from UK are warming up to him.

I think you need to pull some strings. Otherwise all these conspiracies and foreign interests can bury us badly in coming elections. Can you imagine where my reputation, which is already heavily tarnished after losing Bihar and UP elections, will be, if we lose the Lok Sabha 2014 polls? Do you still agree that I should hold this post of the head of coordination committee? I think yeh dil maange no more.

Honestly I am also tired of this political role play, jo mere bas ka kaam nahin hai. Sometimes I want to live a normal life. Think about it – I cannot even party with my friends, without criticism. This is very unfair.

Besides if I ever become the PM, what will happen to our Garibi Hatao programme? Look, for example, at Amethi – my constituency. It can compete with anywhere else in India for its garibi. Even Bill Gates failed to turn it around. If I become PM and the whole of India utilize my expertise and try to emulate Amethi, how can we then implement Grandma’s Garibi Hatao program?

I think Ramu dada has probably figured out that India’s PM post is not the right position for me, though he mentioned it in a slightly eccentric way. I admire his cynicism in general but strongly object to his openly criticizing me as illiterate. Publicly bolna nahi chahiye thah …..

Seriously, I think we have to find some new strategies before even the aam aadmi (or mango people, according to Robert bhaiya) decide to dump us.

Why can’t people like Diggy mama or Sallu chacha try to convince Priyanka? They can also talk to Robert-bhai. He is famous now-a-days. And part of the family too.

And, don’t try to confuse me by telling that my father and grandmother gave their life for the country. At least they had some sort of a life going before they died. Meri to zindagi bhi abhi suru nahi hui. It seems that nobody cares whether I have the right to have some sort of a personal life. At least I could have used some sympathy for my enforced bachelorship. Has anybody thought that if I do not get married, what happens to the continuity of the family tree?

Mera nahi to kam se kam dynasty ki to socho!

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This is becoming very interesting.

On the one hand we have Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare harassing the UPA government on the corruption issue. On the other hand, a certain Mr Narendra Modi is spreading ‘Sadbhavna’, much to the irk of the Congress Party and people are discussing his candidacy as the future Prime Minister, with total disregard to the hereditary rights of the crown prince, Rahul Baba. 

Sonia Gandhi is said to be just back from an undisclodsed place after an unclear “operation’ for an unknown disease.

The ‘voiceless’ selected Prime Minister, Mr Manmohan Singh is there but, as usual, in invisible and inaudible state.

And now we have a serious tussle between the two senior stalwart of the Congress party, out in the open. 

Mr Chidambaram has already been accused by Mr Subramanian Swamy for his involement in the 2G scam. The arrested Raja and Kanimozhi, both have sought to drag Chidambaram and even the PM into the scam.

The Congress Bureau of Investigation or CBI is dragging its feet on probing Chidambaram, even challenging the Supreme court’s authority. Perhaps it is a desparate effort to prevent the next target, Sonia Gandhi herself, to be dragged into the net as promised by Dr Swamy

This is such a diasspointment for the crown prince who vowed for the ‘honesty’ of several of his ministers that included Mr Chidambaram.

Seems, the Home Minister is heading towards a new home and be a neighbor of  the likes of Raja, Kanimozhi and Amar Singh.

 

In Pranab vs Chidu duel, it’s time to pull out the long knives

Sep 22, 2011

In politics, you can deal with your detractors in one of two ways: you can confront them directly and deliver a knock-out punch. Or you can sneakily administer death by a thousand cuts.

In the political tug-of-war within the UPA between Pranab Mukherjee and P Chidambaram, Pranab-da has thus far preferred to slow-bleed Chidu. Now that it’s all coming out in the open, with the latest revelations that effectively tie Chidambaram ever closer to the 2G scam, perhaps Mukherjee should step up and deliver the knock-out punch.

The latest stunning revelation relates to an office memorandum sent in March 2011 by Dr PGS Rao, Deputy Director in the Finance Ministry to Vini Mahajan, Joint Secretary in the Prime Minister’s Office, regarding allocation and pricing of 2G spectrum. The note, sent a month after former Telecom Minister A Raja was jailed, was evidently approved by Mukherjee, and effectively fixes Chidambaram.

The details of the note were revealed following a Right to Information request filed by activist Vivek Garg; the note, along with other documents are now before the Supreme Court, which is hearing a petition from Janata Party leader Subramanian Swamy for a CBI investigation into Chidambaram’s role in the 2G scam case.

Alongside that legal track, political developments have acquired rapid momentum. Opposition parties, including the BJP, have stepped up their demand for Chidambaram’s resignation.

“The cat is out of the bag,” BJP spokesperson Prakash Javadekar said on Wednesday. “It was clear all along that Chidambaram agreed to Raja’s formula for 2G spectrum allocation. If he had stuck to the finance ministry officials’ position, the scam would not have taken place.”.

The CPI too has demanded that Chidambaram’s role needs to be examined. The party’s national secretary D Raja noted that Chidambaram’s continuance in the Minister had, “morally speaking, become untenable.”

Predictably, the Congress rejected the demand for Chidambaram’s resignation and said “we do not, in any manner, accept” the allegation made by Swamy against him.

“The party does not doubt (Chidambaram’s) integrity… Without waiting for the court proceedings to be completed, it is highly objectionable and inappropriate for Dr Swamy or anyone else to pass premature judgement on the very same issue on which he is seeking relief,” party spokesman Abhishek Singhvi told PTI. Singhvi said the “mischievous attempt” to create a rift between different constitutional functionaries is highly regrettable and ought not to be repeated.

Yet, the real problem for the UPA is the rather more ruinous rift between Chidambaram and Mukherjee, which has a long history.

Each has been sniping at the other for a while now on matters that relate to the other’s ministry. The level of distrust between them runs so deep that in September 2010, Mukherjee wrote to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh complaining that his office had been bugged.

Although he did not invoke Chidambaram’s name, it was abundantly clear that he suspected the Home Minister of foul play. In fact, Mukherjee deliberately opted to have the Central Board of Direct Taxes sweep his office for bugs, rather than the Intelligence Bureau, which comes under the Home Ministry.

Prana-da has thus far limited himself to shooting off letters to the Prime Minister (or having his ministry write them) slyly incriminating Chidambaram. He thus far proved willing to strike but afraid to wound. Which only leaves Chidambaram as a slighted rival, never a good thing in politics.

But since politics is all about getting the timing right, and since the planets are currently lined so as to cause maximum malefic influence to Chidambaram, perhaps Pranab-da should go for the kill. It’s time to pull out the long knives. 

This ex-Judge must be out of his mind. He is lucky that the Congress barking dogs have not noticed this yet …

Former SC judge praises RSS: ‘Not anti-minority, end smear campaign’

 

Kolkata: Former Supreme Court judge K T Thomas today praised the RSS for its discipline and said the propaganda that the organisation is anti-minority is “baseless”.

Speaking at a function here, attended by RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat, he also said the “smear campaign” against the RSS that it was responsible for the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi must end.

“There is a smear campaign that RSS was responsible for Gandhi’s assassination just because the assassin was once an RSS worker,” he said, adding that the organisation had been “completely exonerated” by the court. “This smear campaign must end against RSS,” he said.

“I am a Christian. I was born as a Christian and practise that religion. I am a church-going Christian. But I have also learnt many things about RSS,” he said.

“Can the entire Sikh community be responsible for Indira Gandhi’s assassination,” Thomas asked.

He said he became an admirer of the RSS in 1979 when he was posted as district judge of Kozhikode, adding that simple living and high thinking was its hallmark.

During the Emergency, RSS was the only non-political organisation which fought against it, he said. “We owe very much to RSS for sacrificing many lives for regaining our fundamental rights,” said Thomas.

The propaganda that RSS is anti-minority is also baseless,” he said, adding that he is a great admirer of the organisation as it gives importance to discipline.

The real part of the fight now begins. How far will Baba Ramdev go?
Most of the the civil activists will soon desert him or at least work hard to disarm him.
The media will not support him for obvious reasons – he is a committed nationalist, Hindu Swami – not the fake Agnivesh  kind, not the “secular” Anna kind.
Media will only do “objective” reporting (in contrast to the frenzy they raised with Anna). They have already started attacking him from different angles – the assets of his organizations, his IT retuns, his safron attire, his association with Ritambhara (would have been fine if a pastor or imam supported him, but not a Hindu sadhvi should have to disown her religion and become a ‘secular’ Hindu to earn any credibility in Hindustan) and then may be his character next…..
The common public, fed by the corrupt media, will be confused.
Digvijays and Saibals will continue with the calculated attacks.
PM will be mumb and pretend ignorance.
Sonia, the queen, will be silent.
Rahul, who is ashamed to be an Indian, will be nowhere to be seen.
And the confused leadership of the so called Hindu party (i.e.BJP) will be debating eternally whether to stay as Congress”s B team forever or embrace a real struggle.
Ramdev has to understand that barring a few exception, almost everybody who is somebody in India, will be exposed if anti-corruption measures are actually implemented. He will soon be a persona-non-grata like a certain Chief Minister of a certain state of India.
Is he politically sauvy enough to fight this on his own?  Will he get the help of the right people? Will he be able to carry on with the leadership that millions in India and  abroad expect from him?

Police end Ramdev’s anti-corruption protest, yoga guru removed

New Delhi, June 5 (IANS) Hundreds of police swooped on Baba Ramdev’s protest venue here shortly after midnight Saturday and forcibly removed the yoga guru, less than a day after he began an indefinite hunger strike against corruption.

Even as his supporters were teargassed and dispersed with batons, police personnel physically removed Ramdev from the stage, refusing to heed to his pleas that he should be given time to talk to his aides.

Both Delhi Police and home ministry sources insisted that Ramdev had not been arrested and had left the place voluntarily after being served an externment order to quit the capital.

But his numerous supporters contested this and accused the police of brutalities.

“What has happened is disgusting. It was barbarous,” said a former Indian Navy officer from Chandigarh who was among the thousands who had spent the night at the Ramlila ground along with Ramdev.

He and others later said that between 12.45 and 1 a.m., a large number of Delhi Police and Rapid Action Force (RAF) personnel reached the sprawling ground in what was clearly a meticulously planned operation.

A police officer said they wanted to serve the externment order on Ramdev because the Ramlila ground in the heart of Delhi had been allocated for holding a yoga camp and not for what it was being used.

Assuming that he may be arrested, Ramdev took up a mike and frantically appealed to his supporters not to indulge in violence. Very soon he jumped from the stage and ran into the mass of people in the tented enclosure, making similar appeals.

As his supporters threw a ring around him, the situation quickly slipped out of hand. Some protestors whipped out fire extinguishers to try to keep the police at bay.

Very soon, police personnel started using their batons on the crowds to disperse them, injuring many. Some people fell off the stage while trying to protect Ramdev.

Some of the demonstrators hurled stones at the police, who used them as missiles to hit back. Within three hours, most of the Ramlila ground had been emptied but a few hundred remained, angry and defiant.

Police said they were trying to clear out the last of the demonstrators and all roads leading to the Ramlila ground had been sealed.

Also read:

Baba Ramdev beware

Predictably Congress sponsored Indian media hatches an ‘inside story’ to hype up the frenzy against Narendra Modi. Trust them at your peril.

This is obviously a big thrill for the opponents including fraudsters like Teesta Setalvad.

After Anna Hazare whirlwind, another tornado is created to dilute all the scams like Adarsh, CWG, Spectrum, Bribes for vote, foreign held funds etc.

 

“Too junior IPS Sanjeev Bhatt was not present at all in that meeting”
Ahmedabad, 22 April, 2011

…… -SIT Chairman Raghavan notes: ‘The inquiry clearly established that a meeting was in fact held at the chief minister’s residence on the night of 27.02.02 after the chief minister’s return to Ahmedabad following his visit to Godhra earlier in the day.’ (Page 3 of chairman’s comments)

-According to SIT report before Supreme Court the meeting lasted for about half an hour. There were eight confirmed participants: 1. Chief Minister 2. Acting Chief Secretary 3. Additional Chief Secretary (Home) 4. DGP 5. Ahmedabad Commissioner of Police 6. Secretary (Home) 7. Principal Secretary to CM 8. Secretary to CM

……. -When inquiry officer of SIT examined Narendra Modi on 25 March 2010, Modi admitted that he had called a law and order meeting at his residence on 27 February 2002, after his return from Godhra where he had gone to inspect the Sabarmati carnage. Asked about who was present, Modi named the seven officers, apart from himself, listed above. Modi also said, “Sanjeev Bhatt, the then DC (Int.) did not attend, as this was a high level meeting.”

  …….. -Before the SIT, three of the senior officers present — “pleaded loss of memory due to passage of time”. (Page 16)  Four other officers — have categorically denied that the CM had instructed the police not to control Hindu mobs for a window of time. ……. 

…… -Wrapping up his observation, the inquiry officer of SIT states: “It can be concluded that a law and order meeting was in fact held by Modi at his residence late in the evening of 27 February 2002. However, the allegation that the chief minister instructed the chief secretary, DGP and other senior officials to allow the Hindu community to vent their anger on the Muslims in the wake of Godhra incident is not established.”

..…. –Other seven officers at the meeting have denied to support Bhatt’s claim that he was present in the meeting. While three officers have pleaded loss of memory, then DGP has categorically denied Bhatt’s presence. Others too have not supported Bhatts’s claim.

SIT has concluded on page 149 of his report, “Since Bhatt’s presence at the meeting is not proved his statement has to be ignored.”

-The SIT has stated that, “Bhatt is considered an unreliable witness, especially because no official, who is known to have definitely attended the meeting has spoken of his presence there. Also he was considered too junior to have been invited to such a high-level meeting.” (Pages 3-4 of chairman’s comments) 

It is good to know that perhaps after being disillusioned by “Anna Hazare and his coterie of dubious activists “, Baba Ramdev is planning to take the reign of his anti-corruption drive back in his own hands.

By now it is quite obvious that Anna is being gradually sucked it by the carrot and stick manoeuvres of the Congress party, its government and specially its chief, Sonia Gandhi.

It is disheartening to see the misguided efforts of Anna to seek help from the very people who are sitting at the peak of the corruption pyramid, to promote his movement.

It is disillusioning to see him waiver so easily from his support of the ‘incorruptible’ Modi because of the threat from the so called secular anti-corrupt caucus surrounding him.

It is stunning that he would allow the symbol of Bharatmata to be replaced  because it is deemed Hindu and thus automatically ‘communal’.

It needs to be seen now whether the media that created the frenzy over  ‘secular’ Anna Hazare but has been conveniently overlooking the ‘Hindu’ Guru’s efforts so far, will show the same vigor in their coverage or renew their subtle efforts of undermining his credibility and his movements.

 

Baba Ramdev to launch satyagraha against graft

Wednesday, April 20, 2011 12:57:33 PM by IANS

Delhi, April 20 (IANS) Yoga guru and spiritual leader Baba Ramdev will launch a nationwide people’s movement ‘Satyagraha against corruption’ from June 4, his spokesperson said here Wednesday.

“The movement will begin after he completes his ‘Bharat Swabhiman Yatra’, a journey of one lakh km which began from Dwarka on September 2 last year and will end at Ujjain (in Madhya Pradesh) on June 1,” Baba Ramdev’s spokesperson S.K. Tijarawala said.

He added that the spiritual leaedr will announce the launch and details of the anti-graft movement April 27

Baba Ramdev will also write a letter to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on three issues — creating an independent, impartial Lokpal (ombudsman), getting back black money worth over Rs.400 lakh crore stashed in tax havens abroad and replacing the British system of governance, taxation, education, law and order with a ’swadeshi’ model.

Now the UPA government has somebody to collaborate with, in manufacturing and propagating Hindu Terror.

Kind of ‘Terror Diplomacy’  – much like Cricket diplomacy

 

 

LeT wants Srinagar blast blame on Hindutva outfits

Friday, April 08, 2011 12:58:20 PM by IANS

 New Delhi, April 8 (IANS) Intelligence agencies have intercepted a telephonic conversation of Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) spokesperson in Pakistan asking a Kashmiri journalist to put the blame of Friday’s Srinagar blast that killed a top religious leader on Hindutva groups, including the Shiv Sena.

Message (was) intercepted between Abdullah Ghaznavi, LeT spokesperson in Pakistan-occupied Kashmir and a reporter in Kashmir,” said a source privy to the interception.

He said that LeT leader during the telephonic conversation “directed (the reporter) to spread the message to misdirect people that the blast in Srinagar was done by the Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal and that more such actions (are) likely by these organisations”.

Prominent Kashmiri religious leader Maulana Showkat Shah, a trenchant critic of last year’s stone throwing youngsters, was killed in a powerful bomb blast outside a mosque in Srinagar, triggering a spontaneous shutdown that crippled life in the Jammu and Kashmir summer capital.